Bubble

Today Arlo blew the biggest bubble of snot from his nose I have ever seen. Instead of running for Kleenex, I ran for my camera (it was worthy, trust me). But as soon as I got back he gave me a quick smile and smeared it all over his face.

He’s been a little under the weather this month- mostly just a runny nose and a little congestion on some days. He can’t seem to kick it completely- I have succumbed to the idea that he will stay sick until the warm days come back. 

snot
Just seconds after the bubble burst

Luckily (luckily?) we have a Nose Frida to help unplug his nose. What’s a Nose Frida? Well thanks for asking- A Nose Frida is device used for sucking out snot from a baby’s nose- powered by your own mouth- that’s right- it sucks- I mean you suck- well, I suck. Basically it’s a surgical tube about eighteen inches long with a removable filter at the end of it. At that end, you attach small hard plastic tube that is tapered to fit into the baby nostril. So you put it in his nose, and suck. It’s that simple- except for it’s not- because he hates it- don’t know why, but he hates it. So much so that it has become a game of sneaking up on him to suck his snot. Because he hates it. If he knows what you are up to he turns into “Arlo the Octopus on Meth”- limbs start flailing and his neck begins turning 195º back and forth at a rapid pace. His first words in life will most likely be expletives during one of these encounters. The kid’s got some fight in him.

Oh, are you still stuck on the gross aspect of it? I was the same way, trust me. When the Nose Frida was brand new and still in the box I remember looking at it and saying, “Yeah fucking right- that’s disgusting.” But now… Now I’m like “MY TURN KYLIE!” It’s basically exactly what hunting is like- and baby, it’s open season- I begin by making sure he is upwind and then I get real quiet and low- if he’s on the floor I approach in an army crawl with the mouthpiece in my mouth with the tube dragging at my side. The hard part is springing on him- I have to get both of his arms locked to his body with only one of my arms- leaving my head to pin his head to the floor or my shoulder- If I manage to do that then I have a 85% chance of lining up the Frida to his nostril and getting a clear suck. If I miss my opportunity, I have to pretend I was just playing around and sheepishly return to camp to regroup and debrief.

Sometimes it goes perfectly and there is a moment of pride when I’m walking to the sink to look at my bounty- sometimes it’s a good catch and I feel like I’ve done a good deed- meaning, he can breath happily again. But sometimes there’s not much in the tube and I have to wonder- What went wrong? Did I hit mostly septum? Do I try again? Or maybe he just doesn’t have much in there? Honestly, it’s a very thin line that I’m still learning to walk. I should have it figured out by the time he is fourteen.

OH! But here’s the grossest part, I think they make a Nose Frida for the bum hole.

 



 

Booger

The little thing is six weeks and six days old according to the app I installed on my phone. How did everyone do this before? I kinda like knowing all these little things- like the fetus (yuck, that’s the last time I use that word) is the size of a grain of rice- or a lentil. That keeps the visuals all nice and neat I guess- you know, cute, but really it probably looks more like a booger- a wet, red booger.

We have only told close family about this wet booger. Kylie’s parents, her brother and sister in law know. We told my parents yesterday (my mom let out a squeal like no other- she has been waiting on this for years and years). Three kids of her own, all in their thirties with no children between them. I haven’t told my siblings yet. It works out well that we will be seeing them in two weeks- so we will wait and tell them in person.

I will say it has been hard for me not to mention my new life with this booger at work. If you are new to my life, I am a craft bartender- I see and talk to lots of people everyday. I have a pretty close relationship with my co-workers. I’ve found myself quite quiet around them lately- not really knowing what to talk about- not that I talk a lot anyway. But once the drinks start flowing and I get distracted with orders and ticket times, I forget, and I am unconsumed by my excitement for some moments.

We won’t tell too many people for a while. I know the first trimester is a slippery one. And it’s nice in a small way to have a little secret.

Kylie is queasy today. She hasn’t had the morning sickness yet really- just a few days of headaches that I attribute to caffeine withdrawal (she loves strong strong coffee). She is tired a little more too. But she is being strong and fantastic and everything I want the future mother of my child to be.

But I told her I wouldn’t talk too much about her symptoms here. And I don’t think I’m going to make her feel any better when she find out I called our baby a wet, red booger.

 

*Editors note: This piece was supposed to have published yesterday- but for some reason it did not- I was in a hurry or something and overlooked the actual publication. So today it is actually seven weeks. The little thing popped into a new weight category- it graduated from a booger to a blueberry. That’s a lot bigger booger!